Time-out

This blog is officially put on hold because the author has a new hobby. Feel free to drop comments, because someday the author may decide to resume blogging. Someday. Yes, SOMEDAY.

Bahasa Manglish

As you can see, the government's decision to discontinue PPSMI by 2012 has raised many eyebrows. Our vocal former PM has spoken against it, while some nationalists want it to happen by next year. To be honest, I don't really care what language is it that they're using in schools, because at the end of the day, hypothesis becomes hipotesis, inference becomes inferens, pyramid becomes piramid, and so on. However, I do not wish to comment any further on PPSMI, because I believe the issue has already been settled, and it's about time for us to focus our attention on more important things, like racial unity in schools, implementation of moral values in science, and so on.

However, now I feel like talking about Manglish. Years ago, I stumbled upon an article in TIME magazine about the various types of English being spoken throughout the world. Indglish, Singlish, American English, British English, Scottish English are just some examples. Interestingly, 'Manglish' is also recognized as one. However, I can't help but to wonder what exactly is Manglish? How is it different from Singlish? Is it true that each ethnicl group in Malaysia has its own way of using the English language? I believe some, if not all of you, must have been thinking about the same things.

Therefore, I decided to list down some of the groups that collectively form a branch of English known to the world as 'Manglish'.

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The Kamus Fajar Baktis

Perhaps the predominant group, they directly translate a phrase from their mother tongue with the help of the sacred Oxford Fajar dictionary. According to them, the Dwibahasa dictionary is one of the highest authorities in he English language, such that it overrides the authority of Phrase books.

How to identify them:

"Arrive-arrive, Abu see child cat cross walk celebration" (suddenly, Abu saw a kitten crossing down the road / Tiba-tiba, Abu ternampak anak kucing melintas jalan)

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The Ones

They are very vocal about their support to 1Malaysia,therefore the word 'one' is used as much as possible in their daily conversations. What is so special about them is that they practise their belief openly, and there are just too many of them.

How to identify them:

"This one no good one. That one is the better one!" (This one is bad, that one is better)

***

The vocal H's

The sound 'aHHHH!' is probably the most popular sound in the world. With the correct intonation, it can represent anything from pleasure, pain and even fear. Almost everyone in the world can pronounce it, but only a handful take the sound very seriously. They believe that 'H' is the greatest out of the 26 alphabets, and therefore the sound of H must be expressed in any circumstance. They feel that they do not need to conform to the rules set by native English speakers on silent H's, which they feel are meant to undermine the power of 'H'.

How to identify them:

"HHHonestly, a HHHour ago, I would've told you that there is no way i'll be on the HHHonour list". (Honestly (/'a.nistli/), an hour (/auer/) ago, I would've told you that there is no way i'll be on the HHHonour (/'oner/) list)

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The The's

This group prefers to add 'the' before any noun, so that it is possible to distinguish between nouns and verbs. Occassionally, 'the' is also added before an adjective to give emphasize it.

How to identify them:

"I want the cup of the coffee, extra the sugar because I like the coffee to be the very the sweet." (I want a cup of coffee with extra sugar because I like my coffee sweet)

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The Spelling Beezzzz

What started out as a 'cool' way to simplify phrases in text messages has now become a major cause of headache among linguists all over the world. Although it is pretty much common to use LOL instead of 'laughing out loud', ROFL instead of 'rolling on the floor laughing', and OMG for 'Oh my god', some teenagers one day decided that it is possible to take their 'coolness' to a higher level by adding the letter 'Z' into the acronyms. Some people say that that they were inspired by the bees, believed by many to be the highest form of life, while others say that they were just being teenagers.

How to identify them:

"Lolzzz, last night I went out with da ladyzzz, Jazzebelle trippedz and fellzz, so Johnzzz screamed, "zOMG!!", *ROFLzzz*

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The Grammar Policemen

Believed to be the guardians of the sanctity of the English Language, they believe that grammar carries more weight than meaning, and all violators shall receive public humiliation.

How to identify them:

A: I've finish all my work.
B: It's finishED, not finish, idiot.
A: Gosh, you're such a grammar police.

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The Non-believers

This group of people do not believe in a second language. English is a threat to their mother tongue, they say. They also believe that English is a remnant of the past, a legacy of the colonizers, therefore it becomes their duty to fight it wherever they can find it.

How to identify them:

A: Hello, boleh saya cakap dengan Kasim?
B: Apa hello-hello? Anjing penjajah!!!

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The Gangstas

Members of this group are usually fans of Rap/Hip-hop music, and they choose to make their music a way of life. They usually talk in rythms, and are usually overdressed.

How to identify them:

"Dang! Dem ladies know how to shake their booty!" (Awesome! The ladies surely know how to shake their [profanity bleep]!)

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The Born-Again Brits

Also known as Anglomaniacs, this group believes that the British was sent from the above to civilize mankind. They sing God Save the Queen every morning and probably drink tea during breakfast.

How to identify them:

"It's globaliSation, not globaliZation. What an American, you are..."

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The Global Citizens

Usually well-read and have a wider travelling experience compared to the other groups, The Global Citizens often try to educate their fellow countrymen about foreign cultures, and they usually end up using more foreign words compared to English words in their sentences.

How to identify them:

" I had a good Pina Colada out on the Patio, and took a siesta inside to avoid the scorching El Nino breeze"

***

The Parrots

Also known as the 555ers, they normally carry around a small notebook known locally as "buku lima lima lima". Whenever they come across an unfamiliar word, they will jot it down, and use it (repeatedly) in their future conversations, regardless of whether it is appropriate. All they need to do is to use the long, difficult words over and over again to prove that they are not illiterate. Pretty much like parrots. Sometimes they sound crazy.

How to identify them:

"The pharisee told the ragamuffin to discontinue expectorating in public places because he holds the belief that it is categorically revolting"

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The Paris Hiltons
Although they are commonly teenagers who just hit puberty, some of them prefer to retain their 'hawtness' as they mature into adulthood. They may sound a bit nasal at times, with their right hands excessively moved all around them while the left hands rest on their waists. Their speech may be accompanied by unnecessary wobbling of their heads, usually done to make their points clear. They try to speak really fast, such that it is impossible for the Grammar Police to spot their habitual grammatical errors. Colloquialisms, such as "ain't, kinda, sorta" is everywhere to be found. Their favourite food is bubblegum, and most of the time, they wear sunglasses that cover 70% of their faces.

How to identify them:

A: That's hawt!
B: Hello~ you ain't gonna buy that, do ya?
A: Bee-yotch! Talk to the hand!

***

To tell you the truth, I don't really know to what group I belong to, because I do'em all!

Stop following me!

You enter the shop.

The stupid motion-activated bell starts ringing, to notify the shopkeeper of your presence, though you're probably walking under his nose.

He greets you with an over-rehearsed "Welcome~", with a fake smile beautifully carved into his face. He probably wears a colourful uniform or pinafore that only a blind man would wear, but you pretend not to notice.

You go to rack 1. He follows. You look at him. He throws back a suspicious looks at you, as if you're trying to steal something. You move by one step, he follows. You turn right. He follows. You turn left. He follows. You start to mistake him with your shadow. You know it's annoying and you feel like throwing a shoe at him. Yet you try to ignore him, knowing that he's paid to do that.

The racks are dusty. He never really cares, because during his leisure time he's too busy sticking price tags while chatting with an employee, who's now probably standing behind the cash register.

You go through the items on one shelf (which is probably the one near your eye level), one by one, as you find none of them suits your taste, you move on to another shelf. 2 seconds after you make your move, the shopkeeper runs like a maniac towards you and begins 'tidying' the things you touched earlier, as if you're a leper or something.

Once you realise that there's nothing in the shop that is worth spending your hard-earned Ringgits on, you go straight for the exit. After all at times like this, inflation means you can only walk out with only two or three items.

From the other end of the shop, the shopkeeper shouts; "Thank you, sir!!!". "Aghh... Another artificial greeting...", you said to yourself.

***

Sounds familiar? This is the nightmare that I go through every time I enter a shop. You might be thinking that I'm antisocial (which is not entirely incorrect), but that's not the point. I don't really know whether it's just me, or everyone thinks that following people around like that without uttering a single word is rude. Saying "welcome" and "goodbye" without really meaning it is also rude. Having stupid bells ringing when you enter the shop is even worse.

However, I'm afraid that unless on-line shopping becomes the norm (or I become rich enough to hire someone else to do my shopping for me), I'll have to face this dilemma every time I enter a shop, for the rest of my meaningless life. Sweet.

p/s: I apologize to all readers for the heavily-politicized previous posts. I know it's wrong to force my views on everyone, but hey, there's nothing you can do about it! Just let me pontificate about world affairs, and just enjoy your life!

When a spade starts calling another spade a spade...

They never fail to impress me, these so-called "world leaders".

Egypt (i.e. the politicians, not the people), known for its long, consistent record for disregard for democracy and human rights (remember the Pharaoh?) just called for an 'action' against Iran over what it perceives to be a rigged election.

The question here is not whether the election was rigged or not (answer: IT WAS IN FACT RIGGED), but it is whether Egypt (read: Hosni Mubarak) has the right to give utterance to such a diplomatically blasphemous suggestion.

First and foremost, an 'action' can mean a lot of things. By 'a lot of things' I mean diplomatic sanctions, economic sanctions or even military intervention. Ironic, isn't it? For a man who shuts electoral stations, imprison bloggers & opposition leaders, and not to mention bar opposition candidates from contesting in a parliamentary election, Mr Mubarak has got real guts to say such thing. He's such a brave guy that his bravery borders on stupidity.

I'm quite sure that he's thinking;
"Of course I can say anything about Iran... Egypt is America's favourite ally in the Mideast. Nobody messes with Egypt, right? ... right?"
Well, WRONG. Firstly, ISRAEL is America's favourite ally. Secondly, America has a nasty habit of abandoning its "friends" when they are no longer useful. Do you, Mr Mubarak, still remember what happened to Saddam Hussein and Reza Pahlavi? Do you want a similar end? Didn't the Shah's family tell you anything during their stay in Egypt (after they were kicked out of the U.S.)?

However, the most comical thing about Mubarak's wise "suggestion" is of course, the logic behind it. If intervention is needed whenever vote-rigging occurs, doesn't that mean Egypt needs foreign intervention as well? Is this really what Mr Mubarak wants? This is almost like a chicken teaching a bird how to fly. Seemingly, the last thing that ordinary Iranians and Egyptians need is foreign intervention. They have already been invaded by tyrannical regimes, so let us give them a break!

The Egyptian leader must realise that despite the fact that just a few months ago his capital became the platform where the greatest reconciliatory speech was delivered by his holiness Barrack Obama, he is still largely unpopular at home. The way Egypt reacted during the siege of Gaza left millions of Egyptians questioning Mr Mubarak's (and their own) sanity. It is also important for him not to forget that should his regime ever falls, the vacuum will be filled by Hamas' allies in Egypt, which, in turn, will further complicate the already overcomplicated Mideast issue. At times when peace seems so close, the best thing that can happen is that the world forgets Mubarak's comments and move on.

Meanwhile, while the Iranians are fighting against the injustice upon them, the rest of the world should probably just sit back and watch.

In the meantime, instead of saying silly things, Mr Mubarak should spend some time finding a couple of good lawyers. After his refusal to open the border to allow aid groups to reach Gaza and by doing so effectively cut off Gazans from basic humanitarian needs, it is possible for Gazans to charge him with crime against humanity, isn't it? As far as I am concerned, he's already been found guilty the court of public opinion!

p/s: Usually, 'to call a spade a spade' is to tell the truth, even if it's unpleasant. However, when an unpleasant person starts revealing unpleasant truths about somebody else, he is what we call the spade that calls another spade a spade. If this sounds ridiculous to you, it's probably because I just made it up. HAHA. If it still doesn't make sense to you, just take it as a Hammadistic way of saying "everybody poops". If "everybody poops" is still beyond your realm, well, there's nothing we can do about it.

Twittering A Revolution

If you haven't noticed what is happening in Iran, you're probably dumb, or you simply don't care.

If you have, that doesn't mean that you're that smart, either.

It is difficult to get the current updates on Iran, because;

1) They kicked out the foreign media
2) The main players, namely Mousavi & Karroubi, rarely update their facebook pages
3) The internet tend to exaggerate things, and deal with rumours as news.
4) People who are capable of providing neutral views are probably outside Iran, imprisoned, or dead.

However, thanks to Jack Dorsey, the voice of the Iranian public is once again, being heard.

If the uprising in Iran is successful, I'm quite sure a lot of people are going to make a bee line for a twitter account.

Just a few months ago, either the Time magazine, or one of those news magazines with lots of wonderful pictures called Twitter as the worst invention of the year, and that "we simply don't get it".

Today, the Iranians have proven that magazine wrong.

Some people say that Obama won the election because of his nifty on-line campaign. In fact, he actually generated millions of dollars through the internet.

Closer to home, or more accurately, at home, online campaigning did help the opposition make numerous gains. Two well-known bloggers also made it into the house of parliament.

Therefore, it is safe to conclude that future political milestones, be it local or global (glocal, anyone?) will be very much affected by the internet.

***

Recently, I read this Indonesian magazine, GATRA where there was this article entitled "Pengharaman Facebook" or something like that. It's about a Cleric who declared Facebook, along with some other social networking sites, 'HARAAM'. But the last paragraph did mention him saying "The tool itself is not haraam, but it really depends on the usage".

Now, I don't really know whether the article was purposely written to give the religious authorities a bad name, with the intention of pitting Facebook users against these people, or the clerics are just a bunch of dinosaurs, you know, leftovers from the previous millennium. Looking at the last paragraph, it seems to me that what the clerics wished to say was; See, if you use it the wrong way, then it becomes haraam.

This is a universal law. Anything can be regarded haraam if you use it the wrong way. Take, for example, the colourful prayer stickers (Doa makan, doa menaiki kenderaan, doa melihat cermin... ). If you stick them here and there just to remind yourself of your Creator, it is probably a good thing. But when you start to produce these stickers and make poor orphans sell it for you, then?

Therefore, I think that tools like Twitter, Facebook, and Blogger, to name a few, should not be viewed in a negative way. There's no use of going against the tide.

Regardless of whether we are liberals, conservatives, or just a bunch of anonymous readers who like to drop some hurtful comments occasionally, the internet is ours.

It is a medium to channel our thoughts, and we must use it wisely...