The story of breasts and bombs

Chapter 1: BreastsSome people take the Health Ministry's advice too far, I think. Check this out.

Haha. I know, I know, isn't it crazy? Anyway, before you read on, yes, this is my THIRD successive post on something to do with religion. I do notice that. But it really isn't my purpose to make fun of religion, or even religious people. That'd be inappropriate. Right? It's just that most of the people I want to make fun of happen to be religious. Big difference there.

Back to what I was saying, apparently some 'scholars' suggest that women should breastfeed their colleagues/close male companions to 'legitimize' their mingling. WOW. I thought that these so-called 'scholars' are just hungry for BEWBS, and not seriously saying that women should um... y'know, boob-feed their pals. But this time, I think I'm wrong, as always.

But what surprises most is that they are from Saudi Arabia, where the state ideology is the now-infamous Wahabism. Which is quite famous for its literal interpretation of the scripture. Well, throughout my experience of skim-reading the Quran a few times (I know, that's sad), I'm pretty sure none of verses read 'breastfeed thy horny companions' or anything like that.

You see, this is what happens when you don't rationalize religion. Yeah, yeah, religion is superior to reason, bladibladiblahhh... But God also gave you reason and free will. Don't you think He'd appreciate it if you use it sometimes? Nonetheless, I simply can't fathom what was going through their minds when they decided to issue such a strange view. It's probably not blind faith, because as learned scholars I imagine they must have done some research. Sigh. Perhaps they're being paid by tera! hmmm another conspiracy theory... interesting...

Chapter 2: Bombs

And now speaking of Wahabism, you know what's been going on lately. The government is reportedly taking action against the Jemaah Islamiyyah, which is believed to be the Southeast Asian offshoot of Al-Qaeda, whose leader is Osama Bin Laden, who happens to be a Wahabi. So they come up with the conclusion that Wahabi is evil. By the same logic, I can also say that I hate the smell of KFC's coleslaw, and because the recipe came from KFC Corporation, whose president is Roger Eaton, who happens to be South African, therefore I must hate South Africa too. And perhaps Africa in general! Or even the world! Yeah! I must hate the world! Does that make any sense to you?

Anyway, yeah, those people who are accused of being Wahabi 'agents' in Malaysia did undoubtedly create some stir with their 'unconventional' fatwas. Personally, as long as they don't make my female friends breastfeed me, or tell me to fly a plane into some random building, I can live with that. What I can't live with is Malaysian Ulamas calling each other names. I still remember having to spend two hours of my precious life back in KMB listening to an anti-Wahabi Ustaz defaming the so-called Wahabi 'agents', from Abdullah Yasin to Dr Asri. I say stop it. If you're trying to argue from a higher moral ground, perhaps you shouldn't act like a total douchebag in the first place. Hey, just saying.

One more thing is that whenever there's any news in the mainstream media about the Muftis in the mainstream media, it's always albout the Muftis calling this and that haram. Yoga is haram. Smoking is haram. Botox is haram. Sure Heboh is haram. Celcom's lucky draw is haram. As if their only job is to say no to every single aspect of modern life. Their fatwas on things like the permissibility of inter-species organ donation or stem-cell research are either reported on the pages you won't be bothered to read, or NOT reported at all.

Anyway, of course there are lots of things in Wahabism that I don't agree with. But to simply call someone that you don't agree with a security threat, to me, is plain nasty. That'd mean if ever be Prime Minister, 99.9999963% of the Malaysian population would rot in jail, the remaining 0.0000037 being me. But wait. I often contradict myself as well, should I put myself in jail too? Gosh.

And wait. Before you say that I'm a Wahabi, or sympathetic to the Wahabi cause, kindly consider these things first: I read books by Ali Shariati too, perhaps that makes me a Shiite. I've finished reading Anne Frank's diary like, three times, oh! That'd mean I'm Jewish. Watched motorcycle diaries a few times and actually enjoyed reading Stalin's biography, so that definitely means that I'm a Communist. My point is, I don't label myself (neither should you). Which is why 88% of the time I'm wearing a plain T. Call it an identity crisis, but I'd still think that only losers label themselves.

Till next time. Outttt!